It would be pretty easy to continue the trend of depressed-toned postings. But this being a holiday, I will refrain from that desire that is pulling at me and settle for something a bit more lighthearted.
When I was younger, I absolutely HATED when I would see family after a year or so and everyone would inevitably start by saying "look how much you've grown!" I thought it was cliche, and extremely annoying. People get older - - it's not a new phenomenon.
I have a bunch of cousins (actually, second cousins) who were all born in the last 11 years, so I was about 10 when the first came along. He is now 11, and seeing him today for the first time in 2 years made me feel old. Suddenly I understood. It was never so much about how many inches I had grown or how much I aged, but about how much I made them feel that they had aged.
As you get older, time passes more quickly. I'm not sure if that's because each increment of time that passes is proportionally smaller in your life on the larger spectrum, or just because life gets more hectic. But it happens, and sometimes, you don't realize it happening in your own life for the simple reason that you are so caught up in it. But noticing that you can remember a time when someone who is now in middle school could not even walk makes you stand back and take notice.
I hope that everyone will use this holiday season to take a step back. Life slows down for a few days, so take advantage of it, and try to enjoy it.
Happy Holidays.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Random Rambles
I can't sleep, so I decided to write. I'm tired though, so it wont be that great.
The other day, I was hanging out with some fellow CNSers, aka not editing in Tawes. We split up in two cars to go to Target and to lunch, and I happened to be in the one with two people who are soon-to-be-married, each to their "high school sweethearts." Great.
Now I should mention here that I am still dealing with a not-so-friendly breakup of my high school sweetheart, who I dated for 4 1/2 years.
We broke up in March.
He's now practically engaged, too.
The entire drive I heard about first dates and first "I love yous," "that moment," and wedding plans. I have to say, it made me kind of depressed. These people are planning weddings and I'm scrambling to find the two D's for New Year's: a dress and a date.
I thought I had been doing enough soul searching lately, but obviously I wouldn't be me if this kind of situation did not make me take a step back and think about my life even more. So, I did. And that's what I am currently doing. And probably what I will be doing for the next few months.
But in regards to these particular situations, I decided that maybe it is time for me to start putting myself back out there again. Not talking wedding bells or even a relationship....I have too many things I need to rethink about life before I can get that far. But, it would be nice to have someone to kiss when the ball drops, and I don't think that's too much to ask for?
Perhaps sometimes, late night reflections can be productive after all.
The other day, I was hanging out with some fellow CNSers, aka not editing in Tawes. We split up in two cars to go to Target and to lunch, and I happened to be in the one with two people who are soon-to-be-married, each to their "high school sweethearts." Great.
Now I should mention here that I am still dealing with a not-so-friendly breakup of my high school sweetheart, who I dated for 4 1/2 years.
We broke up in March.
He's now practically engaged, too.
The entire drive I heard about first dates and first "I love yous," "that moment," and wedding plans. I have to say, it made me kind of depressed. These people are planning weddings and I'm scrambling to find the two D's for New Year's: a dress and a date.
I thought I had been doing enough soul searching lately, but obviously I wouldn't be me if this kind of situation did not make me take a step back and think about my life even more. So, I did. And that's what I am currently doing. And probably what I will be doing for the next few months.
But in regards to these particular situations, I decided that maybe it is time for me to start putting myself back out there again. Not talking wedding bells or even a relationship....I have too many things I need to rethink about life before I can get that far. But, it would be nice to have someone to kiss when the ball drops, and I don't think that's too much to ask for?
Perhaps sometimes, late night reflections can be productive after all.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
All Alone Again
I'm at my friends' place right now. There are six people that live in this townhouse in Baltimore, and I generally spend almost all of my weekends here. Right now four of the housemates (a straight couple, my gay bestfriend, and former straight best guy friend) are here, and another girl from where some of us work is over, too.
They are downstairs causing a ruckus. I'm upstairs with the dog.
This has become the usual for me to expect when I'm here...which leads me to question why I still do it.
You see, this past year and a half has been difficult, to put it mildly. And in the midst of all of my plithe, I found refuge in this house. After a week of school which always, without fail, left me overworked and depressed, I could come here and, for a short while, forget about the misery. I was away from my messy roommates, away from all of the people who had let me down, away from the books and the papers and the things that reminded me of all that I lost.
It's ironic how the tables have now turned. It is now here, in a house where it's almost impossible to find a moment to yourself in any room, where I feel most alone. The people who have let me down are under the same roof.
The girl from work is the new me. She's replaced me in almost every single way that I mattered in this house. And for some reason, I keep hanging on, hoping that things will go back to normal. I suppose it's because I've already been forced to completely change my life around once this year. I'm really not ready to do it again. But, it looks like I may soon not have a choice...
They are downstairs causing a ruckus. I'm upstairs with the dog.
This has become the usual for me to expect when I'm here...which leads me to question why I still do it.
You see, this past year and a half has been difficult, to put it mildly. And in the midst of all of my plithe, I found refuge in this house. After a week of school which always, without fail, left me overworked and depressed, I could come here and, for a short while, forget about the misery. I was away from my messy roommates, away from all of the people who had let me down, away from the books and the papers and the things that reminded me of all that I lost.
It's ironic how the tables have now turned. It is now here, in a house where it's almost impossible to find a moment to yourself in any room, where I feel most alone. The people who have let me down are under the same roof.
The girl from work is the new me. She's replaced me in almost every single way that I mattered in this house. And for some reason, I keep hanging on, hoping that things will go back to normal. I suppose it's because I've already been forced to completely change my life around once this year. I'm really not ready to do it again. But, it looks like I may soon not have a choice...
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