Unfinished Manuscripts

“I don't want to live. I want to love first, and live incidentally.” ~ Zelda Fitzgerald

I am a hopeless romantic with, I am learning, emphasis on the 'hopeless' part. I want my life to be like the movies.

Even at this time when the divorce rate is high and people are questioning marriage as an institution, I still believe in it. I don't think that every person has one person they were meant to end up with, but I do believe that if two people want it enough and work at it, and do not look at divorce as an option, then it is absolutely doable.

Now I don't want to get married for at least 5 or 10 years. I'm not one of those girls who goes bouncing from one relationship to another, and I am completely capable of independence and being on my own. I do not need to be in a relationship to be happy.

However, I do think that romance enhances life. Having someone to share every experience with, good or bad, makes life seem more real, and helps you better deal with difficult situations. Besides, there is something to be said for having someone there to always make you feel special and wanted.

So the other day I was giddy about a certain boy when friend of a friend, who I have met quite a few times, overheard me talking about said boy and asked if I was one of those girls who goes 'boy crazy.' I'm not. In fact, its very rare for me to get to that giddy stage, but once I'm there, I'm completely enthralled. I'm talking, cue the string quartet, the fireworks, the sappy love notes, long drawn out kisses....at least in my head.

I think I do a pretty good job of covering up this pathetic tendency, or at least I try to, so as not to come off as nuts. But despite that, I build up these ideas and set myself up for a let down. That guy, the one that made me giddy just last week...moved onto someone else, putting an end to my script that had barely made it past the first few pages. But while he has called it a wrap, in my mind, the story is still going, having the potential to come back around again, continuing to form even more unrealistic expectations. And so, the trend continues...when what I really want, is just this: